sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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