he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Still dying that you shit outside
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
