So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
