if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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