You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
