Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
