he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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