Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
