she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
