Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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