We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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