It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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