I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
