I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
