had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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