i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
