New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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