I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
