Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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