You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize