Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
