Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
