You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize