Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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