Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Randomize
