my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
