And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
