Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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