U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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