My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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