I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I touched a dick in church today
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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