when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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