can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
