i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
