remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
