Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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