I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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