I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
