I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize