I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
