Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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