Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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