no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
