hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
