Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
