you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize