chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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