Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
