I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
