She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
