And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
