I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is this like a preordered booty call?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
