My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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