Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
