I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
