is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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