Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
