Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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