i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
