the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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