It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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