I'm really into asian looking animals
love makes seman taste better
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
