hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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