Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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