dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
