New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
