"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
