I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
