Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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