New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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