She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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