did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
