remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
