Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
