my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
