The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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