Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
