She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Floor bacon is actually really good
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
